The not so obvious OCD mum

When i was feeling my lowest and worst i was willing to try absolutely anything to help me to stop feeling how i was feeling. That is including to somehow "escape" the intrusive thoughts i was constantly having.  The first thing i done to help myself in general was to go to my doctor, now if you have read my previous posts you will know that initially i suffered with random panic attacks, anywhere, anytime. My doctor gave me Citalopram which at first i didn't take because i have a fear of taking any type of medication . However when i began having constant intrusive thoughts that would not stop day or night, i decided to give Citalopram a go.  I am pleased to say that they definitely helped me, they may not work for everyone but i am only telling you what i personally have tried and found have helped me through my journey. The next thing i found helpful was a mindfulness colouring book , i treated myself to a nice pack of colouring pencils and my OH got me a brillian...

As i've mentioned in another post that i recently wrote, i've not felt comfortable posting a piece i've written explaining in depth and detail what my intrusive thoughts were about and the lead up to my diagnosis. I've gone to write another post about getting the right help for what you may be going through weather its post natal depression, general depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety or any other similer illness you may struggle with. I went to read it back to myself to check its OK to put up but again i'm finding it uncomfortable to read, myself.  I've written about how i felt when i first went to my doctor about the intrusive thoughts i was having, these thoughts involved my children and it makes me feel deeply sad and uncomfortable, almost scared, to think back to.  I don't want to think about it or post about it right now but what i have said in that particular post, which i will tell you now, is that talking to someone was the best...

After months of persuasion from my mum and stepdad we finally took the plunge and relocated over 200 miles away from where we have lived, for me, all of my life, for my OH, the past 6 years.  My mum her and her OH had relocated around 4/5 years ago for work related reasons and had sworn that it was the best move they had made, that it was so much nicer in general than where we had all used to live and that the people were even nicer down this way! I would say for a good year prior to us actually moving she had tried her hardest to convince us it would be the best move for us, not to mention how great it would be to have us and her grandchildren closer. So when we finally made a firm decision to move, as you can imagine, she was over the moon! so were we! Our youngest son was around 13 weeks old when he came on his first road trip down to somerset with us so that we could view some houses. I had spent several months searching for properties and contacting numerous estate agent...

This is going to be a short little post, for anyone reading my blog because you can relate to what i have been suffering with, wanting to know what the signs were for me or for any other reason and your interested in knowing how i ended up finding out it was all in fact OCD. I've made it clear that my blog is to talk about my journey up to having, and living with OCD however I've not yet detailed how exactly it led to me finding out this is what i have and the hard times I've been through while i was searching for an answer to what i was going through. I have drafted a very honest and detailed post that i have titled 'my journey on how it lead to me being diagnosed with OCD and i keep going to publish on here but i just cant bring myself to actually put it up.  I can honestly say i am in such a better place than i was several months back, i'm happier, more confident and haven't had an intrusive thought for a few weeks now however  I keep going back over it, ...

So my biggest boy, we call him J, will be starting primary school next Tuesday and i just cant believe how quickly this day has come around. I've held off of letting him try his school uniform on, up until today.. O..M..G.. he looks such a smart and handsome little guy.  Starting Reception 2017 I'm still getting my head around the fact that this little guy was once my tiny baby boy completely dependent on me and now he's growing up, has left nursery and he's going to be starting school (big boy school as we call it in our home). In the months leading up to, J hasn't seemed to have any interest or understanding of the fact that his nursery days were coming to an end and that he is due to start school however, just this past week or so he has not stopped talking about starting school, making friends, every item of food he would like packed in his lunch box and his little face lit up today when he finally saw himself in the mirror wearing his full school unif...

So as the name of my blog suggests, the type of obsessive compulsive disorder that i suffer with is not so obvious. I have spent an awful lot of time researching OCD in general so that i could fully understand exactly what it is that i have been going through, i found this not only interesting but an extremely important part in helping me manage my illness.  I have taken the following paragraphs from  http://www.ocduk.org/ocd ' OCD presents itself in many guises, and certainly goes far beyond the common perception that OCD is merely hand washing or checking light switches. In general, OCD sufferers experience obsessions which take the form of persistent and uncontrollable thoughts, images, impulses, worries, fears or doubts. They are often intrusive, unwanted, disturbing, significantly interfere with the ability to function on a day-to-day basis as they are incredibly difficult to ignore. People with OCD often realise that their obsessional thoughts are irrational, but they...

Several months after making the best move of our lives something just wasn't quite right with me. I started to have the occasional panic attack over things that wouldn't usually cause me panic. I remember we were all sitting around the dining table having breakfast one morning and my OH had decided to give our youngest a tiny piece of bread as he was now trying solids. I felt anxious when he had just put it in front of him and then he started to cough and that was it i had to leave the room, i couldn't look at him and i had tears in my eyes. My chest was tight and i sat on the stairs having a panic attack, i couldn't return to the dining room and when i did i quickly grabbed my cup of tea and just said to my OH that i was going to go and sit in the living room. I couldn't even look at our 7 month old let alone sit in the same room.  My OH shortly came upstairs and asked me to watch our son while he went to tidy up but i couldn't, i have no idea what was wron...

Finding out that i had fallen pregnant for the second time was the most amazing feeling ever! After having my first son i just knew that i wanted another baby, a brother or sister for him, someone to play with and have that special sibling bond.  I, myself, have no siblings of my own and that was perfectly fine for me but i knew that when it came to me having a family of my own i wanted several little people running around our home,  causing mischief together and  keeping each other company. We had tried for several years to conceive and after taking pregnancy tests every other week and being disappointed every time I decided to stop buying and testing.  Id been offered the job that i had went for in December and was focusing on that, planning on working really hard to get into a higher position at the company. February 12th, i have no idea why but that evening i decided to take the last pregnancy test that i had left over from when i was...

I believe i started suffering with anxiety after having my first child.  He was born on February 20th 2013 21:47 weighing a very healthy 9lb 9oz. He was born via c section due to being back to back and as i wasn't progressing, he was getting distressed and so the doctors decided he needed to come out. A few nights stay in hospital and i was allowed to leave, i was now a mum to a beautiful baby boy!  At the time me and my partner lived in a flat on the second floor, with stairs in our flat also. Lets just say it was not a good idea strolling up those stairs as if i hadn't just had major surgery, the pain should have stopped me but i thought it was normal. I don't believe the care that the nurses gave me during labour was particularly great, they were aware that i had SPD - Symphis Pubis Dysfunction but done certain things that are advised NOT to do with someone suffering with SPD. This resulted in me being bed ridden after having my son and suffering a hell of a lot of...

I decided to start this blog in hope that someone who may share the same anxieties/OCD and anything similar, to me, will find it helpful.    I'm not entirely sure where to start however a little bit about me seems like a good place. I am a 25 year old mum to two boys, my eldest is 4.5 years old and my youngest is 10 months.  I also have a very supportive (and patient) fiance and we have been together for 6 years now. We have very recently relocated to Somerset to be closer to my family, it has been the best decision we have ever made but shortly after moving, the worst time of my life. I haven't always had OCD or suffered with anxiety and if i'm honest i'm not completely sure when it all began, i have some idea which i will explain in my coming posts where i will share my journey leading up to diagnosis also sharing with you my life as a mum raising two boys.